Good Sleep

I was laying in bed a couple of nights ago trying to fight off the two cups of coffee I chugged earlier that evening. Remembering the ‘Preamble to the Constitution recite-off’ my mama and I had in the living room last weekend, I decided to try to recite things I had memorized as a kid to help me fall asleep.

I whispered a prayer first: “Lord, thank you for Edith, Fern, Sis. Campbell, Edna, and Penny who made me memorize things in Sunday School class for foil stars on a posterboard. Bless them for hours and hours of trying to teach a headstrong little blonde girl. Please give each of them lots of stars. Amen.”

I said the books of the bible, the Lord’s Prayer, a shabby rendition of Romans 8 with lots of gaps, the Apostle’s Creed—that was from college, the pledge to the Christian Flag (yep-- it’s in there to stay, apparently), and finally the 23rd Psalm:

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in still pastures, he leadeth me beside still waters.

He restoreth my soul; He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me.

Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the midst of my enemies;

Thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

RICH isn’t it?

(Sorry, but I’m going to need you to pretend I haven’t ever said nasty things about paraphrases now; I’m really into eating my words these days.)

Soak it in:

I trust in the Lord who takes care of me and all my needs.

He gives me deep, true rest that renews and restores the deepest parts of me.

He guides me down just paths even when I don’t exactly understand them.

Oh Lord! there are terrifying possibilities like cancer and car accidents around every corner that I can’t control or expect and that no one deserves; but I don’t live in fear of them because I’m too busy meditating on your presence and what it means to be yours.

Your discipline comforts me: I know the Holy Spirit will check my actions and my motivations and I won’t be given to my own messed up desires. Each notch in your staff represents a victory against beasts who seek to destroy in a hundred different ways. I need to hear those victory stories—from pages of books and pieces of scrolls and from the saints around me. There is great comfort in hearing that You are the God who not only directs the obedient, but who also fights for and wins the disobedient. It assures me that I can't mess up so badly that I can't be found.

Sometimes I’m preoccupied with people and what they want from me and how they treat me, but even then I’m living well enough in your provision to be concerned with who likes me and who doesn’t. “Enemies” don’t really phase me because in front of them and everyone else,

You engulf me, and more: Your love runs out of me in a frenzy of brushstrokes and strums and pennies and foot-scrubbing. Your love comes out of me even when I try to keep it in.

Life is good to me; I find leniency and forgiveness when I’m guilty, and when I’m innocent and false claims are made against me, the lies fall apart.

However long forever is, I’ll be safe with the Lord.

And then, I slept.